Is it me or did the ocean just get wider?

Been missing Jamie a lot this week. To be honest, it's felt impossible at times. Food has lost its taste, days seem longer, and even the ocean feels like it's gotten wider. My head hurts from the tears. My heart hurts from the lack of him in my daily life. I could use a does of Jamie right about now!

For now though, we must persevere and hold on to the love that we know God has called us to. And more important than that, we must hold onto the Creator, Originator, and Ultimate Source of Love-Christ. I'm so thankful that God has not abandoned us or left us to fight alone. Without Christ, this relationship, this friendship, and this love truly would be impossible. Everything would be impossible. I find it amazing that even now, He is with us both, preparing us, teaching us, loving us, and comforting us across the distance. He is our source of joy and strength, not each other...although we do find that in each other. It is ultimately all from God. And I know that our God is good and He is faithful. His good and perfect plan for both of our lives and our life together WILL prevail in His perfect timing! Therefore, let the waiting and trusting, the good days and the hard days, the memories and the distance continue because it's all for God's glory in the first place. 

Oh man.  It will be such a joy and blessing to see Jamie again! To see him face to face, to hug him, and to know that he's okay. I can't wait. Ah. Even just thinking about it the flies are buttering around in my stomach...I mean...the butterflies are flying :) Can't wait for Christmas! Love you babe, I'll be seeing you soon!

P.s. I'm never letting go

Culture Shocked by my own Culture

I've been realising something lately, something that makes me feel uneasy, scared, and uncomfortable. I don't seem to fit in my own country anymore. I know I've changed and grown up, but it's strange not to fit where I "should" belong. My world view is different, my perspective on things is different, and even my sense of humour is "different". Now, I don't think it's that I've "outgrown" my country, cause that doesn't really seem possible. And, I will always love America and be thankful that I was born and raised here. But perhaps, just possibly America and it's consumer driven culture has maybe outgrown me, and therefore caused me or forced me to outgrow it?I do not know. In the past two years, whilst I've been away, life in America (as it should do) has continued on at a fast pace for all those who live in it. Slow doesn't seem to be in the vocabulary. Everyone is rushing here, or there, in order to make this or that happen. I'm sure that it was the same as I grew up here, but maybe I just never realised just how fast-paced, busy, and self-centered the American culture really is. It's been quite the culture shock to me, even in the midst of my own culture. The even stranger thing is, being a national in this country, everyone expects me to be of the same pace and mind. Now, if I had never known anything different, I wouldn't give this another thought. However, after living in England and experiencing different European cultures, I've realised that the world is bigger than just what I've known it to always be. America isn't the world, it is simply a small part of it with a relatively big land mass. I'm thankful to be American, but I'm also finding it hard to fit in to the American mold. I'm thankful for how God is opening my eyes to all that's around me, even though it's painful. I want to help this nation and am thankful God has me here for a reason. Maybe because God has given me this new perspective, He will allow me to speak into the lives and hearts of the people here, as I view them with different eyes, hopefully, His Heavenly eyes.

Happy October :)

Well, It's 2am (my time) and I can't sleep. I'm wide awake and excited about the fact that October is here, whilst remembering all that this past month has held. I can't believe September is over, but I praise God that it is now a new month. Yay! As selfish as it sounds, I needed a new month. A fresh month without all the left-over changes, difficulties, and vast array of emotions that came with September.

I'm excited for this new month and all it will hold.

However, despite how much September felt like the never-ending month of pain, "meh-ness", and confusion, I wouldn't ask God to take it back; nor would I want to act as though it didn't matter or never happened. I've learned a lot this past month. A LOT. And through it all--the tears, the laughter, the awkwardness of change...etc. God has been with me, loving me faithfully day-by-day. I think He's been molding me into more of a "trust-er". He's teaching me how to trust in Him as my Promiser, rather than as just the One who promises me. His provision has been incredible, even though at times I've doubted He'd come through. In this past month, God has provided a laptop, a bed, a pillow, more clothes, a guitar, a job, internet, and more. All of these things I thought I desperately “needed”, God provided. Not because He had to, but because He wanted to out of graciousness, kindness, and love towards me. I feel so humbled. His love has been greater than anyone or anything could possibly be, even though I've admittedly looked for love elsewhere. 

Who or what can compare to the greatness of our God? None. No being. No thing.

 Thankfully, even though the days, months, and seasons will undoubtedly change around us, God will not. No matter how difficult a month may be, God in his "God-ness" will remain solid and true. True to His Word and true to His people. His love will continually be freeing, real, and amazing. Even in the "September's" of our lives--no, especially in the "September's of our lives--I believe God gives us the unique opportunity and privilege to most visibly see His hand upon us--upholding us, protecting, and providing for us as His beloved children.

Take heart (and I will try to do the same!) in the fact that the seasons are changing (whether for the good or the bad), but God is unchanging! He does not just give us promises, He IS the promise. He is the Promiser and He will move. 


So Embrace October, but be thankful for September. Leave the doubt, leave the fear, leave the pain, but embrace the lessons, the life, and the love that God revealed to you and blessed you with this past month. He is so worthy of all; therefore, all is all we can give.

Happy October :)

Love,

Rachel

x

Missing my boyfriend a lot today...

"I'm only alive with you" -Jars of Clay