Missing England and the People it Holds

It's been a tough week. I'm missing England terribly and all the precious people it holds. I miss my boyfriend more than words and long to see my dear friends again. I know I'll get to see them again, but right now what will happen "eventually" sounds as though it's years away. I'm trying to keep my head up. To stay postive. And to trust Jesus with unswerving faith. It's hard, but easy. Hard because everything seems to be too complicated, upsetting, and painful. Easy because God is here and my prayers are reaching Him. Isn't it amazing we have a God that loves us enough to stay? Friends come and go, through the good and the ugly, but God wants in all the time. He wants to be our Comforter, Friend, and compassionate and gentle Father. It's encouraging to know that my Saviour welcomes my tears, wipes them away as they fall, and won't mind in the slightest if my mascara stains His sleeve :) God is amazing.

I must admit, I'm finding it harder to trust God with others, than with myself. I don't seem to have a problem putting my personal life into His hands: my time, money (or lack of), my insecurities, my fears, and my heart into His hands. In fact, I'd rather all of these things be left in His hands anyways; I don't want them. However, when it comes to my boyfriend and friends in England, the thought of having to entrust them into God's hands scares me incredibly. I wish it didn't, but it totally does. The fact that I can't see them, help them, hug them, and even skype with them makes me feel extremely uncomfortable and uneasy. Here I am thinking that I'm doing ok trusting God with some aspects of my heart/life, only to find that really I can't trust Him at all with the others. It's a humbling, frustrating, and painful process. I'm learning, but find myself wishing this lesson could speed itself up and be over and done with.

I know God is faithful. I know He will protect, love, hold, encourage, and guide my wonderful boyfriend and close friends. I know that He is the Creator of these 2 countries, and the ocean in between. I know He is bigger and so much more trustworthy than myself and all others. I know He is good and that He will never fail me, nor those that I love. He is good, constant, and gracious on a continual and consistent basis. I know all of this and I truly do belive it, whole-heartedly. However, across the miles, I'm finding it a lot harder to hold onto these truths and to want to believe them. If I'm being totally honest,  It feels easier to forget the truths of God's Word right now. Why? Because it's more painful to trust God and leave my world in His hands, then it is to try and ignore the reality of my heart, mind, and life. I know this is brutally honest, but I need it to be. I need to be accountable in this. Because although it's painful, I wouldn't prefer the easier route. I want to have to work through this and to come out the other side of this confusing season trusting God more, loving His Word, holding fast to His promises, and with a deeper and more passionate and consistent love for Him. A love that doesn't waver, shake, or crumble in the face of fear or painful circumstances.

So, in all of this, I must say again. God is faithful and He will not let me fall. Nor my boyfriend, my friends, nor the rest of my world, because all is safe in the palm of HIS hands. They must be pretty big hands to hold all that I've put in them :) But oh man, I'm SO thankful for the loving touch of our Saviour today. Praise God.

Praying that His hands will comfort and sustain your heart today wherever you might be and in whatever circumstance you might be finding yourself in.