Do You Want the Good News or...the Bad News?

Well I've got some news. Some good news, and some bad/sad news. I never know which to give first. Being an optimist, I guess I prefer to start with the positive. So here it goes. 


The good news: No matter what--no matter how hard--no matter how frustrating--no matter WHAT--God is holding Jamie and I together in His hands right now, even though we're half way across the world from eachother.  And even though we've found communicating across the sea to be difficult with the crazy time difference and lack of resources, God has not forgotten about or failed either of us. He is watching over us both and providing for our needs...even though it feels like we may need or DO need...more. He has given us the privilege of talking on skype, as well as the joy of writing and receiving letters from one another. It's special. To be honest, we still have so much more contact with each other than other long-distance couples used to have in the "Olden Days". So for all of these things I am truly thankful and praise God for. 


The bad news (or sad news) is that...this heart ache feeling seems to increase with each day that goes by. The "missing" feeling doesn't leave. No, it lingers, and only builds and builds until it feels like my heart can't take much more of the pain....or much more of the longing. The longing to see him. The longing to hug him. The longing to just get to see him or sit next to him or hold his hand. The longing for the little things, yet the everything's as well. There is a constant sense of "longing". I'll admit. Today was a tough one. A really tough one. But, I'm taking comfort in the fact that, either good day or bad, God is the same on both sides of the ocean. He is good and He loves us and He has a beautiful plan for our lives. And besides, HE brought US together in the first place! 


This all leads to the question I'd like to leave you (and I) with. What if we longed for God in the same way, so much that our hearts hurt at the thought of being apart from Him, or not getting to spend time with Him? Man. I've been challenged by this idea a lot lately. I hope it'll challenge you as well. 


God, please help me trust you in all of this. I want to come out of these days of longing and distance, and these months of confusion and heartache loving You so much more. I desire to depend on You for everything I need (emotionally, physically, and spiritually) and for everything WE need. I want to trust You with it all. Please teach me to long for You more than I do, and to desire You and Your ways more than mine. You are so good, all the time. Thank you for Your grace, Your patience, and Your love towards me. And towards us. Thank you so much for Jamie and for blessing someone like me with someone like him. Please be with him today and surround us both in Your love and Your truth. In Your name I pray and ask these things.


Amen.

Missing England and the People it Holds

It's been a tough week. I'm missing England terribly and all the precious people it holds. I miss my boyfriend more than words and long to see my dear friends again. I know I'll get to see them again, but right now what will happen "eventually" sounds as though it's years away. I'm trying to keep my head up. To stay postive. And to trust Jesus with unswerving faith. It's hard, but easy. Hard because everything seems to be too complicated, upsetting, and painful. Easy because God is here and my prayers are reaching Him. Isn't it amazing we have a God that loves us enough to stay? Friends come and go, through the good and the ugly, but God wants in all the time. He wants to be our Comforter, Friend, and compassionate and gentle Father. It's encouraging to know that my Saviour welcomes my tears, wipes them away as they fall, and won't mind in the slightest if my mascara stains His sleeve :) God is amazing.

I must admit, I'm finding it harder to trust God with others, than with myself. I don't seem to have a problem putting my personal life into His hands: my time, money (or lack of), my insecurities, my fears, and my heart into His hands. In fact, I'd rather all of these things be left in His hands anyways; I don't want them. However, when it comes to my boyfriend and friends in England, the thought of having to entrust them into God's hands scares me incredibly. I wish it didn't, but it totally does. The fact that I can't see them, help them, hug them, and even skype with them makes me feel extremely uncomfortable and uneasy. Here I am thinking that I'm doing ok trusting God with some aspects of my heart/life, only to find that really I can't trust Him at all with the others. It's a humbling, frustrating, and painful process. I'm learning, but find myself wishing this lesson could speed itself up and be over and done with.

I know God is faithful. I know He will protect, love, hold, encourage, and guide my wonderful boyfriend and close friends. I know that He is the Creator of these 2 countries, and the ocean in between. I know He is bigger and so much more trustworthy than myself and all others. I know He is good and that He will never fail me, nor those that I love. He is good, constant, and gracious on a continual and consistent basis. I know all of this and I truly do belive it, whole-heartedly. However, across the miles, I'm finding it a lot harder to hold onto these truths and to want to believe them. If I'm being totally honest,  It feels easier to forget the truths of God's Word right now. Why? Because it's more painful to trust God and leave my world in His hands, then it is to try and ignore the reality of my heart, mind, and life. I know this is brutally honest, but I need it to be. I need to be accountable in this. Because although it's painful, I wouldn't prefer the easier route. I want to have to work through this and to come out the other side of this confusing season trusting God more, loving His Word, holding fast to His promises, and with a deeper and more passionate and consistent love for Him. A love that doesn't waver, shake, or crumble in the face of fear or painful circumstances.

So, in all of this, I must say again. God is faithful and He will not let me fall. Nor my boyfriend, my friends, nor the rest of my world, because all is safe in the palm of HIS hands. They must be pretty big hands to hold all that I've put in them :) But oh man, I'm SO thankful for the loving touch of our Saviour today. Praise God.

Praying that His hands will comfort and sustain your heart today wherever you might be and in whatever circumstance you might be finding yourself in.

Theme Song to...My Life?

Since recently moving back from England,  emotions have sure been flying high! So many changes have happened all at once, and I've been in a constant state of "feeling overwhelmed". To be honest, I haven't even been able to understand myself since arriving back in the US- physically, emotionally, spiritually I've been all over the map, even literally. Ha. It's been the strangest thing. Since I got back, everything has felt so new and so...well, foreign to me. Many times I've felt like I'm a stranger to this country, to  these people, and yes even to friends, family, and myself. Despite my innability to find the right words, comparison's, or emotions to accuratel express or even understand what I'm feeling,  someone else has already managed to put all of my thoughts, fears, and emotions to music. Isn't God amazing? I praise Him for this gifted singer/songriter, Sara. He has used this "stranger" to bless, encourage, and comfort me so much since first hearing her song only just shortly after I moved back. Through God's Spirit within Sara and this song He's led her to write, I now feel that I have a song to sing once again. A song that I can sing and mean with my whole heart. Every word of it.

I have a feeling these lyrics are going to mean a lot to me over this next season of my life in America, so it seemed fitting to begin the blog with this video/song/post.

So thankful God is with me right now. He is the only One I'll truly always belong with.