Loving a Person is No Small Thing...

Being in a long-distance relationship with the man I love isn't easy. I know on the outside it may appear to be, and sometimes it really is quite do-able, but the truth stands: it's challenging, tiresome, mentally exhausting, and more. Yet, at the end of each day, somehow this love is a beautiful gift, joy, and blessing--it is completely worth it. He is completely worth it; there is no doubt in my mind of that. There is nothing like this love, apart from Christ, it is unbeatable. I admit, I've learned to shrug off my emotions and the missing I feel, putting on a smile as though I'm not aching inside. I think I've began to do this subconsciously, because the missing goes so deep--it's inexplainable. I don't want to bore people or consume them with my situation, so I tend to stay quiet, keeping to myself. Deep down, however, my heart is hurting beyond words can say. Each day is a fight; it's a real test of faith, trust, and our love for God and each other. Commitment, and the need for it, is an understatement. Each day we have to make a choice to honour God and each other--we must commit to encouraging and supporting one another across 6,000 miles, with limited resources. When we Skype, portraying our love and respect for each other is vital. Every minute, every call. I need to be the best that I can be for Jamie from the moment we say hello to the moment we say good bye. Why? Because it's all we have. Those minutes we get to spend "together" are precious.


Unfortunately, words can either be harmful or helpful; life-giving or detrimental. Loving God and loving someone out of that love is a choice. It is up to me whether I am going to listen to Jamie's stories, struggles, needs, wants, and feelings; will I cut him off before he can share? Will I talk about my day, my fears, my anxieties about the future, or put him before me and honour him in that way? Of course all these things/emotions/struggles are important and need to be talked about, and we do talk about them. However, we have to be so careful in our words, expressions, and responses to one another because our words are all we have to give right now. God has blessed us with this love, but we are in a world that is trying to pull us a part. We live in a society where the divorce rate is rising higher and higher-- in both Christian/non-Christian couples alike. We are subject to a fallen world full of darkness and the lies, temptations, and flying arrows from the evil one. This love-our love-is not going to stand, unless Christ is truly the center. We will fall without Him, just like so many other couples tragically fall. We are no better, or any less subject to failing; we are human. Thankfully, Christ is fighting for us and with us; He is victorious, and therefore, our victory is found in Him daily. With that said though, I do believe we have a responsibility to God and each other to protect this love and relationship with all we are-in every way we can, from this day forward, for the rest of our lives.

(Why do you think vows are said at a wedding? If they were meaningless, surely the idea of saying them before God and others would have never become a world-wide tradition?)

 Skype dates are the most romantic and most realistic times we get to share together. They are truly all we have a part from writing letters and trying to come up with unique ways to bless each other.

 No matter how optimistic we might seem, or how positive our Facebook statuses might be--the whole not seeing each other thing gets old. There are many days when I just long to see him so that I will be reminded that this is all for real. Our love, our engagement, our future. It's all real. I know that it is, of course, and I'm beyond thrilled. However, there are just some days that I'm reminded of all the little things missing. I recall inside jokes, then turn to tell Jamie, only realising he's not here and no one else will get it. I get butterflies just thinking about Jamie spontaneously grabbing my hand, simply because he wants to hold it. It hasn't happened in so long, due to the ocean inbetween. I know gestures as small as this might seem silly, but oh how easy they are to take for granted, until suddenly the opportunities and privileges are gone. Saying good bye on skype these days is getting harder; it feels almost unbearable. The days are seeming longer, the distance further.  Simply put, my life just doesn't feel right without Jamie in it.

If you're reading this, I apologise for the venting; it feels good to write it though. It feels good to be genuinely honest and to remind the world of our humanness and fraility. This is a struggle, yet it is a testimony! God is faithful and His faithfulness and unchanging character is OUR hope!

If you see anything good, inspiring, or desirable in Jamie's and my relationship then Praise the Lord! It is from Him! This is not us. In fact, we are the hazardous human ones in this relationship; God is the one who is unchanging, perfect, gracious, understanding, and forgiving. We get things wrong. We say things we regret. We cry. We laugh. We are real. But anything more than that, is solely God's Spirit within us--strengthening, empowering, and encouraging us to keep going.

I'm so thankful for this love; I praise God for Jamie countless times a day. He is truly perfect for me, in every way. He inspires me, challenges me, moves me, loves me, teaches me, encourages me, sees me, and so much more! He makes me want to be better, greater, and more passionate about everything. He moves me to become more like Jesus. He does all of these things more than anyone else I know--and that I find amazing. I mean that. He brings out the best in me, as well as the worst--the sides of myself I didn't even know existed.  I feel completely humbled to have the honour, joy, and privilege of getting to marry this incredible man of God someday (soon!).

Wow. Thank you Lord for all of Your blessings and for Your  goodness towards Jamie and I. We will forever praise You and tell of Your greatness. Thank you for all the Skype dates, for all of the laughs, for all of the lessons you are teaching us in this season of separation and waiting. You are good and faithful, always! We are yours for the molding. May all the glory be Yours, Jesus. Now and forevermore.